Angel to Angel

My late grandmother had a white covered King James Version Bible that sat in a wood-stained book box. She was a praying woman, a faithful one. In the back of the book was my Papa's picture, he passed a few months before I was born in 1996. I was the last grandchild and the youngest. He was able to hold me before moving onto another life.

I was able to enjoy the presence of my grandmother's love-I am so glad I have those sweet memories of spending the night, getting in trouble for sneaking candy lol, her singing, sewing, going to the grocery store and parking in the shade.

Ultimately, she was getting older and had to move again.

One day I spent the night at her new place and was in bed with her. We were cuddled up and she told me how I was her angel. I just felt so happy and calm with her.

Now this is where the time frame is fuzzy- but after she told me that I just remember one day not wanting to spend the night. Then all of sudden finding out she collapsed. I blamed myself as I could have helped or done something but as an adult I don't know if those two moments of not wanting to spend the night and her collapsing were back-to-back days.

Even then I always felt she knew it was her time.

While she was unresponsive in the hospital I sat at the end of her bed and prayed. I wanted all my energy and soul to perform a miracle. Unfortunately, but we all know fortunately she was gone to be away with our Father and Creator.

Throughout the years I had my own walk with God. In 2014 during high school, I began to forgive myself and started surrendering the blame I felt for all those years. Around 2019, 6 years later, I went home from college and "happened" (holy spirit led me) to open that white covered King James Bible- I opened it before but with new eyes..with a newish spirit.

I flipped through and noticed my grandmother had a piece of paper with a couple of bible verses written down. I looked up each one out of curiosity and one of them she wrote was Isaiah 41-10-13 KJV which says,

10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

11 Behold, all they that were incensed against thee shall be ashamed and confounded: they shall be as nothing; and they that strive with thee shall perish.

12 Thou shalt seek them, and shalt not find them, even them that contended with thee: they that war against thee shall be as nothing, and as a thing of nought.

13 For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.

I felt so grounded, inspired, and sweetly hugged by my grandma. FEAR NOT, FOR I AM WITH THEE! This passage touched my soul- It has been my pillar scripture for any and everything. It is the only page in my bible that has notes on the entire page. I connect every other passage back with Isaiah 41. It is my most wrinkled page as I sobbed with tears running down my face--with NO words to utter to God only for my tears to create a pool and hit the words "Don't be afraid, For I am with you"1 Isaiah 41: 10 NLT God is all knowing, God knows every generation and choice that will be made. The Holy Spirit led my grandma to write those verses through her own journey of faith and obedience, she found comfort in God's word.

Psalm 119:105 ESV Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

Psalm 100:5 KJV For the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.

My grandma's passage of Isaiah 41 10-13 has led me to surrender to God. To remain in God's light through dark days. When I don't know where to start, when no words come out, when confusion, anger, guilt, sin are in the mix. I hold onto God's words Isaiah 41: 10

10 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.

Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you.

I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

My grandma said I was her angel, and I know through God she knows she is mine.