Sticky Note

*This writing is in real time and wanted to capture my morning talk-time with God so scripture and other scripture-stories were coming up and all the ways to connect them to this writing, but I wanted to leave it in its raw state without additional connectors-I felt soo many come up and more lessons to be written about that I might break it down in Surrendering to the Throne section! :)

Sticky Note

In my bible I use sticky notes for various of reasons. Most stick out of the book to bookmark the page, scripture, or overall chapter. However, on one page I have a sticky note that is not a bookmark, that isn't necessarily for me to go back to. It was a prayer, a plead for renewal in a time where I was coming to a change.

Below is the prayer:(typed like it's written image below)

12/11/2020

felling doubt and

disappointment & more so

Lost - lost in my voice

purpose

feeling useless. Thank you God for

being here w/me.

Lord help me through this

dark season. Allow me to seek

the life, cast out all things not

for me. Reuse me. Help me lord.

Now in my journey-or "dark" seasons I don't always stay in those feelings or thoughts. Sometimes there are moments of complete lost and then later glimpses or complete clarity, hope, joy and peace arrive!

But this post on today's date 10/28/2024 I have been guided to a moment of understanding about God. As I was talking or in my quiet place with God, I began to show gratitude, then I opened my bible and happened to flip through the pages (I can't even remember how I got to this page honestly- by the way I'm real time typing this) As I read the prayer I just reflected with God-Jesus-Holy Spirit (big3/holy3). I normally always reflect with big3 on where i-we've been and the journey- SO THANKFUL and GRATEFUL. This time was no different except Holy Spirit done led me to a new way at seeing this time of my life and God's 'hand'-will.

Yes, I knew of my long ago past and how certain things I needed to gather, learn, and understand before stepping into the next step or cultivating and partnering with big3 in the will of God. But it was so wonderful to see the "smaller" phases and changes in my journey.

So, as I was reading the prayer and talking with God, about no longer feeling doubt, disappointment, and lost in the worst ways- no longer- because I NOW know you God I NOW need you God, I NOW seek you God, I NOW listen to you God, I NOW love you GOD I NOW fear you God, I NOW respect you GOD, I just kept going and going- and after that I started think of my journey and knowing how much I needed-or how mush holy3 was working-it's not even working but maybe a better phrase is divinely orchestrating (?) in my life- calling me-carrying me- because I always think my big moment in my faith was 2 years while in grad school 2021-2023 but this prayer writing is 2020 and now, I realize it was only 6 days when I made the decision to go ahead and apply to grad school- which now is a miracle in itself.

Quick Side Story/Writing

(quick background I had a few grad schools for art on my list and then I suddenly thought maybe I shouldn't go- take a year off or go later-I told my professor and 2 class peers as we were discussing grad school- 12/17/2020 I talked with my mentor and said well you already started the process just go ahead and finish, and you can decide to accept their offer or not but at least apply, so I ended up applying to 1 school- after having an encounter on campus with the Holy Spirit, and ended up getting into the program thus the 2 pivotal years of my life happened)

So, this prayer, not only was about where I've been but somehow who I would become. It also is a tangible piece of God's victorious right hand- the acceptance isn't the win, the answered prayers isn't the win, but GOD is-my heart and spirit within me is new- is filled with something greater than earthly treasures and ways or notions of thinking- it's not for me-not a genie granting my wish, but only a unique method in speaking to me-to also speak to others around me about the goodness of the holy3 - anyway small anecdote but I am going to continue to discuss the whole purpose of me writing this :)

Sticky Note continued.

After reflecting on what God has done in my life and saying I NOW___. I started to say to God out loud of how much I needed those moments, and that the 2years following this prayer was almost a purge of my inner self, detox and some kind of testing at times (this moment can be found in Your Test Starts Now Blog) I began to see in totality that the whole 2020-2023 reminded me of how Jesus was led into the wilderness - I started to say this to God and half way through I looked down and saw the page my prayer was on (whew glory to God) it was on Luke 4 about Jesus being tempted in the wilderness -and for me Luke 3 is important too because Holy3 crosses generations before and after me! I needed to be led- I needed to be tested- I needed to understand my vices circumstances in which I am still learning- this is not a one and done, this is constant- (I even gave into a temptation like a month of writing this in which I thought I was "done" with- another story for maybe later!)

Now God doesn't cause temptation; God can't be tempted. The test is to purify, learn, understand, study, and be guided test move towards the good of the goal. The temptation is trying to draw out a desire and action that ignites sin, rebellion, and tempts you into something that is of not Godly. It's a lure- and to lure is to be sneaky, deceitful- that's why we must be vigilant. (more on this in another writing)

Dictionary meaning:

Test: noun: a procedure intended to establish the quality, performance, or reliability of something especially before it is taken into widespread use.

verb: take measures to check the quality, performance, or reliability of (something), especially before putting it into widespread use or practice.

Tempt: noun: entice or attempt to entice (someone) to do or acquire something that they find attractive but know to be wrong or not beneficial.

The darkness that creeps in the world, the devil doesn't care to test people doesn't care of our quality performance or reliability, but it cares to tempt to entice, attempt to entice (even this is a difference because an attempt to entice needs another and agreement with another). The temptations are all tools for one purpose to keep us away from God and what that does to our hearts once we begin to answer the call.

I believe this is so important to study and just be in relationship with holy3 and others because, in

Luke 4 it says in NIV translation " Then Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan River. He was led by the Spirit in the wilderness, where he was tempted by the devil for forty days. Jesus ate nothing all that time and became very hungry.

Then the devil said to him, "If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become a loaf of bread."

Jesus was full of God's Spirit the same one over the darkened waters, same one that birthed his existence- Jesus did not fall into earthly desires, rather combatted with the word of God- Jesus did not budge on any of the devils promises- no matter what it enticed Jesus with- the son of God was not tempted- it's possible to fight-pray-and lean into the Holy Spirit/ to be our advocate and helper; it is possible to fight-pray-and lean into the teaching and life/resurrection of Jesus. We were gifted the same Spirit that Jesus had-and that God is.